Bad day followed by mental organizing

Tuesday was a bad day. The anxiety in the congregation hit a high and people started to act out. It became too much that people don't really know the future of the congregation because no official vote has been taken nor has there been an opportunity to really talk about anything since the Bishop came to visit. Then, people are finding out that our organist is quitting - he's been making personal phone calls even though he told me not to make an announcement until this Sunday...

So, people are upset. I get it. But, people are also very mean. It got to me on Tuesday. I came home from an evening Bible Study crying. Then Wednesday I called my mentor, read a chapter in "Leadership on the Line", and read all of "Finishing With Grace", and I prayed and prayed and I felt much better. I took today off as well, I needed a day to not think about the congregation, and I spent the whole day with my family at the museum and playing board games.

This outburst of the congregation made me realize a few things.

1. We need a lot more processing - so I called a consultant to come in to lead a workshop with the congregation after the annual meeting and before any official vote happens. He's going to cost $500, but it's worth it.
2. I cannot begin to let my wall down. For the first year of this call I had to have a high wall up because of how dysfunctional the congregation was. I had to wake up every morning praying to God to give me strength today to know that whatever comes at me is not really about me but about the unease in the congregation. This has gone away for a while, but it is back. The anxiety is causing people to revert to old habits and I can't change that now.
3. I need to have a strong prayer life. I fell into a few bad habits this past month with the stress. I think I put on 10lbs! I have to get back into a spiritual routine as well as not falling to snack food to ease my stress.
4. There has to be more leadership from me as well as a plan. I have been working on giving the leadership back to the council recently. It was nice - but along with #2, bad habits are coming back...
5. The congregation has to pray more. I need to figure this one out. This is not a congregation that has a history of being "prayers". I decided this Sunday I'm not preaching, instead we are doing Lectio Divina in place of the sermon.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my council president to make an outline for the council meeting we are having on Sunday. In my head I thought that the closing process would be stressful but it would create more time because there wouldn't be that many meetings. Right now that is true. But, starting next week, I don't think it will be anymore. I have to meet with people that are hurting, I have to meet the different people in the synod office about different things, the council is going to meet a few times... It's a lot to organize and to keep physical track of and emotional track of because everyone I encounter is at a different place in the closing process.