The Blame Game

Last week I was at a meeting for congregations going through a Turn Around Process. I mainly went to announce that my congregation voted to close and to say goodbye to the group. When it was my time to speak I shared how the congregation discerned closing and what the final vote was. One of the other people at the meeting asked if I planned to, when I am able to, look at the situation and figure out exactly what I could have done differently to have a different outcome. Maybe it was all too raw for me still but I heard this suggestion as, "You messed up. You need to reflect and see how this was your fault." I know this is not how he meant it. I know he is pushing me to find ways for growth out of this situation, but this is not a time for me to personally start asking myself these questions. Maybe a few months after June 10th I can do that.

My response to him was, "Well, I've been doing that throughout the process and I can give you 2 major things that I wish I did a little different - but I really do not think me even doing those two things different would have led to a different outcome. Also, I cannot allow myself to go where you are asking me to just yet. I am getting enough fingers pointed at me right now saying that this is my fault. And, it's not. I know it's not. The way I am caring for myself right now is to wake up everyday and say in prayer, 'others will make you feel like this is your burden to carry alone - but it is not. People are hurting and you are called to be pastor to those who are hurting.' So, no, I am not trying to figure out where things went wrong right now."

I feel that right now I am in the midst of the blame game. This conversation is a small example of how I feel fingers are being pointed at me. Within the congregation I have some people that won't even talk to me at all. I come near and they leave the room.

Then, there is the extreme passive aggressiveness happening. Last Sunday the treasurer of the Ladies Group came to worship. During fellowship she was writing out checks. She asked me for the names of our new custodian and organist. She gave me a pile of envelopes and asked me to put them in the mailboxes next to my office. She ordered flowers for Christmas service and gave me to order form. All the checks she wrote were Christmas bonuses for the staff. There was an envelop for each person - except me. There wasn't even a Christmas card.

Point taken.