Worship - The Day of the Vote

As the vote got closer and closer I got more and more nervous during worship. We began to worship less people over the months and as we got closer to the vote worship was topping out at 22. I was also getting more self conscious during worship. I was nervous of the wording in my sermons, the prayers of the community (even though I don't write them), the way the bulletin looked, the kinds of announcements I made. There would be moments during worship I would get a pit in my stomach that I could not get rid of. Some of this comes from my relationship with the congregation. It's always been a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of situation. Some one is always there to complain - so worship has never been that fun for me anyway. But, as the vote got closer this feeling got stronger.


Then, it was the week of the vote. I knew that there would be more people in church because people would be there to vote. My secretary made 50 bulletins thinking that there would be at least 45 people. Well, we had 35 people attend worship. Less than I was expecting - but more than usual. It felt good to have a few more people in the pews, even though the reason for them being there wasn't the best.

Worship was kind of normal. The Council President was the Assisting Minister that week. It wasn't planned, but it was kind of nice that it just happened to work out that way. We didn't really talk much during worship but I was glad to have her sitting next to me. I wanted the service to go faster - kind of just have it over with. I do not like this feeling during worship, but it's how I felt. I was nervous while preaching. I think I was too nervous to write a sermon that week so I found a nice, what I call "Jesus Loves You" sermon from a sermon website and read it during the sermon time. This is something I never do either. You can tell I was a ball of nerves this day. I had a lump in my trough during parts of the service and I kept looking at the time. It was like I had a mental check off going on in my head. Opening prayer, Check. Opening hymn, check. Readings, Check.

During the readings I looked out at the pews and counted the number of yes votes and no votes. I knew it was going to be close. I also knew that I was not the only person doing this during the readings and the sermon.

Communion was hard. It was hard to give each person bread, look them in the eye, say, "Body of Christ, given for you." It was hard because I felt bad in a way. I don't know why I did, but I did. People lingered at the rail a little longer than usual for silent prayer after taking communion.
After worship I had someone complain to me about the hymn selection. Really? I thought. But, I also gave the excuse that this person was anxious to go down for the meeting as well. 

So, over all, I probably made worship more uncomfortable than it needed to be. I wonder if my uncomfortableness rubbed off on others? I was nervous, anxious, a little scared. I don't know if I would suggest having the meeting on a non-worship day. Or, making worship something a little different and not just an every other Sunday worship experience. For me it was really uncomfortable. I never talked to others about how they felt during it, but my guess is that it was probably the same for those in worship.

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